For February, I intend to say “NO EXCUSES” and start taking care of the little things in my life (i.e. the previously mentioned car and my inbox for that matter). I also intend to learn the map of the United States because it is a total shame that I can’t locate each state and capital. I’ve lived here my entire life. I need to get my shit together.
My Life in Boxes
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Personal Growth Goals: February 2015
For February, I intend to say “NO EXCUSES” and start taking care of the little things in my life (i.e. the previously mentioned car and my inbox for that matter). I also intend to learn the map of the United States because it is a total shame that I can’t locate each state and capital. I’ve lived here my entire life. I need to get my shit together.
Tuesday, January 20, 2015
Overnight Oats: Also Known As, I Feel Like I've Been Lied To
Monday, January 19, 2015
/rant: An Open Letter to "Nice Guys" and What "Nice Guys Finish Last Might Actually Mean"
Too.
Fucking.
Bad.
Okay, let's start from the beginning. What originally pushed me to write this post is the PLETHORA of posts/letters/comments that I see on social media on a daily basis about this subject. As a twenty-first century woman, I would like to say that I'm pretty sick of hearing the phrase "nice guys finish last."
Now, keep in mind, this is purely opinion and take it with a grain of salt if you please, but I honestly think that the phrase "nice guys finish last" is more referring to sex more than anything. As in, nice guys will let their girl finish first. Why? Because putting your partner's sexual pleasure above your own is in the essence of caring more about the other person. Putting your partner's sexual experience above your own is how you build a good relationship. Because a relationship isn't about one person's needs. It's about the needs of both people.
Ground breaking isn't it?? Holy shit folks... let's just let that one brew in your mind for a minute.
Okay, now that we've cleared that up.
The next thing I would like to tackle is this sense of entitlement that the twenty-first century male has to the females he perceives himself as "being nice to."
Let's start from the base. BEING NICE TO OTHER HUMAN BEINGS DOES NOT EQUATE A REWARD SYSTEM IN WHICH YOU GET TO DATE AND OR HAVE SEX WITH THE OTHER PERSON. IT MEANS THAT YOU VALUE THEM AS A HUMAN BEING.
Don't even try to argue with me here. I won't hear of it. I don't give a fuck that you've been listening to some girl complain about her boyfriend. Let me break a little news to you darling: if she's complaining to you, she's probably complaining to everyone else too. I've been in relationships with the so-called "douche-bags" that you claim not to represent, and trust me, I complained to every person I possibly could.
Why? You may ask... Because I didn't want to deal with the problem. And you know what, that was MY decision. Not yours. Not my best friend who has to hear all of it. Mine.
Also, let's get another thing straight. Being "nice" to someone so that they'll one day realize that you're "better" than the "douche-bag" that she "chases after in order to challenge and break" is an attitude of complete and total selfishness. I just want to point out that the idea that women "chase after" a guy who they want to "break and then train" is not only inaccurate but also disgustingly sexist.
Perhaps you're unaware of how attraction works, being that your sexist morals and selfish motives for treating other people like a human being makes you damn near completely unattractive, but attraction is built on an underlying sexual tension. If there's no sexual tension and the attraction isn't there, you're probably not the best choice to date. It doesn't matter how nice someone is; if the attraction isn't there, it just isn't.
And also, returning a little bit to my original point, if you don't want to be nice to someone because it's the right thing to do, then perhaps you should take a long fucking look in the mirror.
Seriously. Think for just a minute about how utterly selfish it is to EXPECT someone to want to date you just because you treat them like you should treat them. Oh with, I dunno, respect and compassion.
Maybe you need a reminder of how to be a good person. Because being how you are now isn't getting you many dates... is it? Perhaps you should take this moment to reflect on the reasons why someone might not perceive you as a good choice as a partner and realize that you've got shit to work on. We all do. I'm married, and I still have shit to work on with myself. Marriage doesn't last on that Hallmark roses and cards bullshit and neither does a well-founded relationship.
/end rant.
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Impossible is Nothing
Now, I want to finish this story that’s been playing in my mind for the last six months and I want to do it in a timely fashion. I’ve got a countdown on my phone for my deadline, but I want to finish it before then. I want to finish it before I get into another program. I keep telling myself that I’m not a “gusher” when it comes to writing, but I think it’s because I keep telling myself that I’m not. It’s time to let the vein flow and let the words onto the page.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
On Self Sabotage
On Self Sabotage
Amanda Sickels
As a human being, and generally someone who likes to make excuses, I know a lot about self sabotage. I've put my head down on the pillow at night to replay my previous failings for hours on end. Each time, I tell myself that it wasn't my fault. There was nothing I could do. I blame the other people involved.
I realize that this is a part of my innately selfish nature. Any of my friends will tell you I'm a rather endearing narcissist, but this is one place where my 'me' focus creates a divide between where I am and where I want to be. I tell myself, I'm just waiting for the right conditions to thrive in.
I keep hoping that someone else will water the dry soil that I've grown roots in. I think that it's not my fault; the conditions just weren't right. I tell myself that a day will come when the conditions are perfect, and I will thrive. But that day never comes. Something happens, I make an excuse and skip out on going to the gym yet again. I tell myself that it wasn't my fault that I had a bad day.
I grant that some of the bad that I go through is not my fault. There are outside variables that contribute to the moments when I fall short of who I aim to be. But the difference, for me, between those moments being a failure and a triumph, is my attitude. The difference is whether or not I chose to let life happen or let myself live.
This applies to a lot of what is going on in my personal life. I'm working on a project, and I have a great support team who are cheering me on every step of the way, yet I struggle to push out a couple pages a week. When that team of people asks for a status update, I find that I only have an empty page and shame to report. I believe in this project. I love this story, and I know that once I finish it, I will have told a story the needed to be told. Yet, I stare uninspired at the page night after night and pretend that I am working.
I make the excuse that I am tired. I say that I'm not mentally ready to write. It's not the right time of day. I don't have enough coffee. I'm hungry. I'm stressed.
I make every excuse I can to avoid taking the personal responsibility that I owe myself.
This morning, I made no deals with myself. Instead of going back to bed, I made myself go to the gym. I could have easily spent the 2 hours it took to motivate myself into putting on gym clothes and running on a treadmill in bed. But I decided this morning that if I ever had a hope at keeping the same body size that I have now, I would have to start acting like I want it.
I'm not the thinnest person ever, but I am lucky to be petite. I am lucky that my metabolism has been able to keep up with the bad food I constantly choke it with because I would be facing a lot of health risks if I were to gain weight. My knees are bad now (I'm 22, I can't imagine what they're going to be like in 50 years), and if I ever hope to keep from replacing them in the future, I have to start building good habits now.
I have to start taking responsibility for my actions both great and small. I have to realize that while I may have one bad situation in a day, it's up to me to decide whether or not that situation is how the rest of my day goes.
I have to make a conscious decision that if I ever want to do the long list of things that I want to do, I have to do them. This seems simple, but it takes a pep talk to make myself open up the word document and get things started. And that has to change. In reference to Hemingway, I need to remember the hunger that comes with the art. I need to feel it in my gut and embrace it, so that I can let that desire propel me into being the person I want to be.
I won't kid myself into thinking I'm gonna turn over a new leaf tonight, but I am signing a contract to myself to do these things:
Take responsibility for what I can control,
Respect my body and take care of it,
Have faith in myself.
That last one is the hardest and the steepest uphill battle, but it is the promise most worthy of keeping. For me.