/rant: An Open Letter to "Nice Guys" and What "Nice Guys Finish Last Might Actually Mean"

This post has been stewing in my mind for a while now. It's come to a tipping point in which I've decided that I would like to jump into the conversation, and I'm probably going to piss a few of you off.

Too.

Fucking.

Bad.

Okay, let's start from the beginning. What originally pushed me to write this post is the PLETHORA of posts/letters/comments that I see on social media on a daily basis about this subject. As a twenty-first century woman, I would like to say that I'm pretty sick of hearing the phrase "nice guys finish last."

Now, keep in mind, this is purely opinion and take it with a grain of salt if you please, but I honestly think that the phrase "nice guys finish last" is more referring to sex more than anything. As in, nice guys will let their girl finish first. Why? Because putting your partner's sexual pleasure above your own is in the essence of caring more about the other person. Putting your partner's sexual experience above your own is how you build a good relationship. Because a relationship isn't about one person's needs. It's about the needs of both people.

Ground breaking isn't it?? Holy shit folks... let's just let that one brew in your mind for a minute.

Okay, now that we've cleared that up.

The next thing I would like to tackle is this sense of entitlement that the twenty-first century male has to the females he perceives himself as "being nice to."

Let's start from the base. BEING NICE TO OTHER HUMAN BEINGS DOES NOT EQUATE A REWARD SYSTEM IN WHICH YOU GET TO DATE AND OR HAVE SEX WITH THE OTHER PERSON. IT MEANS THAT YOU VALUE THEM AS A HUMAN BEING.

Don't even try to argue with me here. I won't hear of it. I don't give a fuck that you've been listening to some girl complain about her boyfriend. Let me break a little news to you darling: if she's complaining to you, she's probably complaining to everyone else too. I've been in relationships with the so-called "douche-bags" that you claim not to represent, and trust me, I complained to every person I possibly could.

Why? You may ask... Because I didn't want to deal with the problem. And you know what, that was MY decision. Not yours. Not my best friend who has to hear all of it. Mine.

Also, let's get another thing straight. Being "nice" to someone so that they'll one day realize that you're "better" than the "douche-bag" that she "chases after in order to challenge and break" is an attitude of complete and total selfishness. I just want to point out that the idea that women "chase after" a guy who they want to "break and then train" is not only inaccurate but also disgustingly sexist.

Perhaps you're unaware of how attraction works, being that your sexist morals and selfish motives for treating other people like a human being makes you damn near completely unattractive, but attraction is built on an underlying sexual tension. If there's no sexual tension and the attraction isn't there, you're probably not the best choice to date. It doesn't matter how nice someone is; if the attraction isn't there, it just isn't.

And also, returning a little bit to my original point, if you don't want to be nice to someone because it's the right thing to do, then perhaps you should take a long fucking look in the mirror.

Seriously. Think for just a minute about how utterly selfish it is to EXPECT someone to want to date you just because you treat them like you should treat them. Oh with, I dunno, respect and compassion.

Maybe you need a reminder of how to be a good person. Because being how you are now isn't getting you many dates... is it? Perhaps you should take this moment to reflect on the reasons why someone might not perceive you as a good choice as a partner and realize that you've got shit to work on. We all do. I'm married, and I still have shit to work on with myself. Marriage doesn't last on that Hallmark roses and cards bullshit and neither does a well-founded relationship.

/end rant.